Robbins Sneak Peek

Candice and Elliott are two of the most laid back people I’ve ever met.  When I arrived at the location of their wedding, Candice informed me that Elliott had left his shirt back home, over two and a half hours away.  Then she went on to say how lucky it was that they were by a department store when he called to tell her, so it was no big deal…and she really meant that it was no big deal.  As I went back through all of their pictures from the day I loved how many of them showed Candice laughing and enjoying their wedding day.  Being part of their big day was such a joy and pleasure!  Candace and Elliott, here’s a little peek at your wedding photos.  I hope you enjoy!

Favorite shot of the day.

Loved this groom’s cake!

Congratulations Elliott and Candice!  I can’t wait for you to see the rest!

Cared For

I look back over posts and see that I almost always start out with some version of an acknowledgement of how long it’s been since I last posted.  I’ve decided that this time I’m just not going to do it.

Except that I kind of just did.

Anyway.

This summer has been an intense one for me.  It’s been breathtaking, really.  I feel like I’ve been on this crazy roller coaster and all the emotional extremes involved with that.  One minute I’m loving life and the thrill of the ride, the next minute I’m freaking out and, overall, I’m just holding my breath to see what comes next.  But to be honest, I wouldn’t have it any other way, because my Father has been so faithful to care for me through it all.

On July 30, I got a call from the other girl who was planning to join our team here with the Navs, as well as move into our house as the third roommate.  As it turned out, the Lord seemed to be closing the door for her.  We were so sad to hear that she wouldn’t be joining us in the fall. It was encouraging to hear that she seemed to really be ok with what the Lord was doing, though I knew it meant she’d had a tough few days as she’d wrestled through that decision.  And then there was another problem: she hadn’t signed the lease.

You see, it was July 30, meaning the day before July 31 (i.e. the day our lease ran out.)  That meant that we had to either find a new roommate by the next day or find another place to live, move out of our current house and into the new one by the next day!  And when I say “we” I mean “me.”  My roommate was in Colorado for the summer and had enough on her plate without this.  Because, you know, my summer’s been so leisurely…

Just to make this ride a little more thrilling, I happen to live in a college town.  Part of the culture shock I experienced in moving to a college town is that most people sign leases for the fall in January.  Yes, you read that right: January.  Because we’ve lived in this house for several years, our landlord was really gracious with us and assumed we were taking care of things with the lease.  The problem is that people figure out their housing situations for the fall very early in the year.  So, no one is looking for a roommate around here in July.  And most properties have been leased.  Most of the options left for us would likely have been in areas that forced us to take up dealing crack cocaine and investing in spinners just to fit in.  And that doesn’t really jive with the ministry lifestyle.

I’m sure you can imagine how calmly I considered our options.  I was the picture of restful trust in the Lord.  I spent time fasting and praying, knowing that the Lord would provide for us…or maybe I just called my mom and cried.

I actually almost didn’t call my mom.  She’s a bit of a worrier and I didn’t want to stress her out.  She’s extremely practical and very much a strategist.  She can look at a situation and see all the possible solutions.  The thing is (and I get this from her), when there doesn’t seem to be a solution, she gets anxious.  So, when I called and she told me that she wasn’t really worried because she felt like it was going to work out, I immediately checked my phone to see exactly how I’d misdialed the number.  Because that lady on the phone had just told me it was going to work out without telling me how it was going to work out, or even advice on what to do to work it out.  And that, my friends, is not normal behavior for my mother.

That night I pulled up Facebook.  That’s my go-to activity when I want to escape from real life and waste time.  I normally keep my Facebook chat offline.  I tend to end up talking to several people at once and, about the time I’m wrapping up a conversation, someone else starts chatting.  I am very in demand, people.  So, I keep it turned off so I don’t end up overwhelmed.  That night, though, I decided to turn it on.  Maybe I was looking for an opportunity to whine to someone and get a little sympathy.  Maybe I just needed to feel popular.  Regardless of my motives, after being on for a few minutes, I was already feeling a little overwhelmed.

Then I got this message: “Hey, do you know anyone who’s looking for a roommate?”  My response?  ”Are you kidding me?  Because if you’d asked me twelve hours ago, I would have said no.”  Turns out this friend was just moving back to town after spending a year in France.  She’d planned to live with a couple of girls, but things didn’t seem to be coming together, so she was checking on other options.  She came by the next morning to see the place and left asking when she could move in.

That happened.

In less than 24 hours, the Lord provided a whole person to live with us.  A whole person! As I’m a few days away from my report date, and several thousand dollars away from my goal, I’m encouraged to remember that I serve a God who loves for the odds to be stacked against Himself.  There’s no denying that His hand was involved in providing our third roommate.  And how fancy of Him to do it on the day that our lease ran out and we had to know what we were doing for the fall.  If He can provide a whole live person, what’s a few thousand dollars?

“Though we are faithless, He will still be faithful, for He cannot deny Himself.” (II Tim. 2:13)

Illusion of Security

First off, I apologize for being such a non-blogger these days.  Life changed two months ago and I’m still in transition.  Please know that it’s been an incredible time, just not one that’s left much time for this.  Instead of making excuses, though, I’m just going to dive right in…

I’ve been reading John Piper’s book Don’t Waste Your Life with some women from my church this summer.  I don’t cleave to every word that Piper writes, but there’s a lot of truth throughout his teaching and this book is no exception.  The idea behind this particular work is to help change the way Christians approach life.  Up to this point (I’m about six weeks into the study), there hasn’t been a lot of practical application, it’s been more of a surfacing of our current worldview and a challenge to see things differently.  Last week we talked a lot about risk.  Piper made the point that our idea of safety, security, is an illusion.  If it is the Lord’s desire to take me, it makes no difference whether I am hiding under my bed, driving to work or serving in a country known for persecution and corruption.  Ultimately, “All the days ordained for me were written in His book before one of them came to be” (Ps. 139:16) and I can rest in that.  Piper challenges us to step out and take risks because this security we hold onto is an illusion.

You know, I just left a great job to pursue what I believe God has called me to do.  I gave up a steady paycheck to raise support during the worst economic time that my generation (as well as my parents’ generation) has seen.  I get risk.  And I can even say from here that it was totally worth it!  Overall, I felt like I had let go of my illusion of security.  I knew that a steady paycheck wasn’t my true source of security.  I almost felt like I should get an “A” for last week’s Bible study.  You know, because they’re grading us.  But it turns out that there were still things for me to learn.  Shocking, I know.

Last night did not start out as a normal night.  I don’t know if you’ve heard, but there’s this movie that premiered today.  Months ago I made plans with one of the girls from my church (who happens to be part of my adopted family; just to give you some context, this is her brother) to go to the midnight premier.  Since Elise is fourteen and not quite driving, I told her that we could bring a few friends and they could all just sleep at my place.  Neither of my roommates is living here this summer and I thought it would be fun to have some company.  So, my evening was full of caffeine and talking about boys, eating lots of sugar and playing games in the theater until it was time for the show to start.

After the movie ended, it was nearly 3 a.m. when we got back to my house.  We were all twitching and buzzing on the remnants of caffeine in our system, but knowing we would crash the moment we stopped moving.  The first thing I noticed as I walked into the dining room is that a small stack of change was missing from my table.  It was $2.26 to be exact.  I thought one of the girls might have picked it up to count it earlier and moved it, so I asked if they’d seen it.  I know, I know, it was only $2.26 and it probably seems strange to you that I would even notice it missing, but that $2.26 was precious to me.  It had been given to me by four-year-old Suzanna Brothers.  Suzanna’s parents had been talking to her about giving money to Jesus and how one way to do it was to support missionaries.  She chose to support this missionary and that $2.26 was a sweet offering.  I’d been praying that the Lord would show me some way to use it to bless someone, so I was concerned with tracking it down.

As I stepped into the living room to look around, I noticed a couple of cd’s were lying on the floor in front of the entertainment center.  My eyes drifted up to where they usually sat and it was then that I realized that my stereo was gone.  My heart started pounding because I knew that couldn’t be right.  I went into my room and saw that my television was missing.  It was an lcd tv, so it was pretty easy to transport.  I suppose that’s why they chose it over the  television that sat in the entertainment center beside the empty space where the stereo had been.

For some reason they did not pick up my Macbook Pro that was sitting on the sofa with the power cord stretched across the room.  Or the $2500 in camera equipment sitting on the table right beside the door.  Honestly, these two items would have been the two material possessions I would have grieved over the most.  They are also more valuable than most of the items in our house combined.

I have no idea why someone came into our house and took a television, a stereo that was at least a decade old and $2.26 in change.  They took the time to unhook the speakers from the stereo and unwind them from the many other cords tangled behind that entertainment center, as well as dig through our remotes to find the one that matched.  They took time to pull my desk away from the wall and unhook the cable connected to the television, while ignoring the very nice printer sitting right beside it.  Then walk across the room to take the remote off my bedside table.

I have two roommates whose rooms seem to be untouched.  The officer said that it’s one of the strangest break-ins that he’s seen.  He could not find a point of entry.  Usually, it’s pretty obvious where they came in because no one takes the time to fix the blinds or clean up broken glass.  All of the doors were locked, but not dead bolted.  My guess is that they used a credit card to get in the back door.  My brother’s done it and he’s no MacGyver.  He couldn’t find prints, even in the dust where they’d rested their hands to pick up the stereo or television.  It did nothing to comfort me to hear all this, but added an eeriness to it all.

Today I’ve spent very little time grieving my television, even though it was a very nice one.  The stereo had a lot of sentimental value, but seriously, who even listens to a stereo these days?  The $2.66 I am definitely sad about, but praying still that someone will be blessed by it.  What I am most upset about losing is the illusion of security.  Clearly I still have much to learn about that.

Tonight I was determined that I wouldn’t let anyone chase me out of my home.  I locked the dead bolts on the doors and left more lights on than necessary.  But still my heart pounds every time I hear any of the cracks and pops that are common of a house that was likely built in the 1950’s.  Tonight before I could climb into my bed, I paced around my house.  Again, checking the locks on all the windows, looking to see if we’d missed any last night that might have been open and  used to enter the house.  Re-checking the dead bolts, going over our belongings in my head to see if I came up with anything else that might be missing…

And then I got angry.  I stood in the doorway of my bedroom and looked between my room and our living room with tears streaming down my face.  Someone stood in my house.  They came into my bedroom.  They touched my desk and they stood beside my bed.  And now it feels different.  It even seemed to smell different.  I slept at my campus director’s house last night and spent the afternoon babysitting.  When I came back home this evening, it felt different.  I know it’s not the house, it’s just me.  I’ve spent every night for almost two weeks now in the house alone and it never really occurred to me to be scared.  And now I felt betrayed, somehow.

But isn’t that the point?  I spent every night for almost two weeks alone in this house and the one night that I’m gone is the night someone breaks in.  For a week now I kept thinking that I needed to ask my landlord to mow our lawn.  He takes care of it for us and does it for free, so I hate to bother him about it.  But this week it occurred to me how abandoned our house looked all grown up the way it was.  I even told people that I was afraid someone would think we were all gone for the summer and break in on me.  The fact that my roommate’s car is in the driveway for the summer made me feel better.  At least there was always a car here, so it looked like someone was here.  I always leave lights on when I leave.  Did they know that I’d been there and was gone?  If they were watching me and watching for patterns, a midnight premier wouldn’t exactly have fit.  They had no way of knowing I’d be gone so long if they knew I’d been there at all.

Ultimately, my security does not lie in the dead bolts I checked countless times tonight.  Last night my Father knew that someone would come into my home, uninvited.  And my Father protected me.  I wasn’t there.  I have no way of knowing how it might have gone differently if I’d been in the house when they came.  But it doesn’t matter.

There’s a part of me that’s still grieving the loss of “security.”  That’s probably why I’m even typing this, because there’s a part of me that’s not quite ready to turn off the light.  There’s a part of me that is afraid that I won’t be able to sleep tonight because I’ll be hearing every little sound and wondering if they’re coming back for more.  Then there’s a part of me that’s afraid that I will fall asleep and I won’t hear anything at all.

“The Lord is my light and my salvation–whom shall I fear?  The Lord is the stronghold of my life–of whom shall I be afraid?” (Ps. 27:1)

I Confess…

I am a disaster area.

It’s true.  I like to compare myself to a Monet.  From a distance I appear to be a completely normal, reasonably pleasant person.  But the closer you get, the blotchier I look.  And, for some reason, I feel compelled to draw people in really close so they can see the blotchiness in all its glory.

On Saturday morning I was doing some portraits for a family from my church.  I grabbed my gear and a few essentials for the day and headed out the door.  I was feeling very on top of things because I knew I’d remembered to bring everything.  Pride comes before a fall.

I have this weird thing about taking everything in one trip to/from the car.  I have learned the art of hanging bags all over my person and balancing stacks in a precarious way so that I only have to do the one trip.  Because I would much rather give myself a hernia than travel the fifteen feet between my back door and the car more than once.  This passion for efficiency is what led to the decision to put my travel coffee mug in my purse that morning.

I thought it was shut tight.  Apparently not, though.  When I got in the car and unloaded myself I noticed that my shirt felt a little damp.  Upon closer inspection, I realized that coffee had leaked out of my mug and onto…ahem…one of my girls.  I’m not the type to try to draw attention to the girls.  If I were, I’m not sure this would be the approach I would take.

So, I grabbed my water bottle as I drove.  I was already running late, so I didn’t want to make it worse by running back in the house.  Instead, I used the water from my Camelback to rinse out the spot on my shirt.

Of course, as I’m driving and trying to clean my shirt, I look down to realize I’ve spilled water all over myself.  And, of course, I’d done so in such a way that it appeared that I had wet myself.

Of course.

At this point, I’m starting to laugh at myself a little, but it’s really no big deal.  I cranked up the air in my car and strategically positioned the vents so that I might dry out before I got to my destination.

Then it began to sprinkle.  I was actually a little relieved because my windshield was covered in sap from the tree I park under and my wiper fluid is out.  After a minute I ran the wipers to clear off the sap.  That was an epic mistake.  I can almost hear you yelling, “No!” at the screen because surely you know what came next.  The sap smeared across my windshield effectively making it all but impossible to see.

And then it stopped sprinkling.

At this point I was a little hysterical.  I could not stop laughing.  I briefly considered hanging my head out the window to drive, then realized it was not ideal for me to show up to my shoot looking like…well…like I’d just driven several miles with my head hanging out a car window.  Can’t you just picture me with hair going out in all directions and bugs in my teethy.  Instead I leaned and tilted and squinted so that I could pretty much make out the lines in the road to stay between them. 

I was definitely celebrating as I pulled into the driveway that Nancy (my GPS) said was theirs.  I got out of the car and started to grab my gear as the dogs proceeded to jump all over me in welcome.  Then I got a weird feeling.  Something didn’t seem right.  Just to be safe, I decided to call and confirm that their house was, indeed, the one with the fish mailbox.

“Hey Daniel, it’s Casey.  Do you guys have a mailbox shaped like a fish?”  (We are in Alabama, people, it happens.)

“Ummm…no…”

“Oh.  Right.  Hmm…”

So, it turns out I was just a couple of houses away.  I managed to get there, and aside from the mud smeared on one of my arms by the neighbors’ dog, they never would have guessed what a complete mess I was.

After the shoot, I drove to meet my roommate in Birmingham for a day of shopping and fun.  We sat down for lunch at Whole Foods and I dug into my salad.  As I bit into a roma tomato, it burst open and tomato juice shot across the table and all over my sweet roommate.  At this point I wasn’t even suprised.

“Oh, just let me tell you about my morning…”

Ahem…Excuse me…I have an announcement to make…

Well, if we’ve talked in the last few months, then you’ve probably already heard the news.  If that’s the case, you can just go back to painting your toenails, picking your nose, working…you know, whatever you were doing.

For those of you still here, well, you should know that my life is about to change pretty dramatically.  In just over two weeks I’m going to step out of the boat.  What boat, you ask?  Well, let me explain.

I’ve been in the boat for about three and a half years now.  I’ve been serving the Lord here and it has been an invaluable experience.  My time with The University of Alabama’s Alumni Association has been a gift in so many ways.  The people I work with here are truly like family to me.  It’s not been all sunshine and roses, of course.  There have been days that I’ve wondered what I’m doing here.  For the most part, though, it’s been a rich time in my life.  A few months ago, though, I began to feel that the Lord was saying that it was time to get out of the boat, where it’s comfortable and relatively easy.  As I sought the Lord on what was next, He began to open my eyes to what He’d been doing in my life over the last few years.

I’ve been volunteering with the Navigators Campus Ministry in some form or fashion since I moved here.  The closest friends I’ve made over the last three years, including one of my roommates, is on staff with the Navs here.  As a matter of fact, they started the ministry on this campus the same year I moved here, so I’ve gotten to watch it grow over the last few years.  The campus director and his wife have loved me and invested in me, even though they had no obligation to do so.  I’ve built relationships with many of the students and there a couple of the girls that I intentionally get time with on a regular basis.  The Navs have a heart for in-depth Bible Study and life-on-life discipleship, both of which are passions of mine. 

And as I looked at the place that had already been carved out for me, I heard my sweet Jesus saying, “Casey, it’s time to get out of the boat.”

Can you imagine how that felt for Peter?  Peter says, “Ok, Jesus, if that’s really you out there walking on that water, tell me to join you.”

And Jesus calls his bluff.

So, Peter steps out of the boat.  Can you picture that moment?  Peter steps out of that boat and defies physics, gravity and every law of nature that he did and didn’t know about.  And his eyes lock with Jesus’ eyes because he’s become acutely aware of this Man.  This Man who he’d seen perform miracles.  He’d seen Him feed 5,000 with so little, he’d seen Him heal the sick.  But he’d never personally been so physically invested in one of these works.  And he was in awe. 

Then he snapped out of it.  This was not a calm, serene lake that he was walking on.  There were waves and the wind was howling!  And he took his eyes away for an instant and became overwhelmed.  And he began to sink.

This is not the time to give up a good job.  To be honest, I’ve not felt the weight of this economic downturn that has so deeply impacted the lives of others.  My job and paycheck are steady and secure.  I like the people I work with.  Every job has it’s downside, but this is a good one, overall. 

But Jesus said to get out of the boat.

So, I’m stepping out of this comfortable job with a steady paycheck.  Instead, I’m trusting the Lord to provide for every penny of my salary, health benefits, ministry expenses, etc.  I’m taking a pay cut and giving up some nice perks.  All of this to completely give my life away to college girls.

And I couldn’t be more excited.

Because that’s where I see Jesus.  And He’s invited me to come join Him there.  And it doesn’t make sense.  And if I focus too long on the wind and waves I can freak myself out.  But when my eyes really lock with His.  And I see in His eyes how His heart beats for the girls on this campus.  And when I realize that I get to be a part of what He wants to do in their lives. 

Well, the comfort of that boat doesn’t seem so appealing.  Because I get to be fully invested in a miraculous work.

“…and beginning to sink he cried out, saying, “Lord, save me!”  And immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him, and said to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?”  And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased.  Then those who were in the boat came and worshiped Him, saying, “Truly You are the Son of God.”

Oh, Jesus, help me to keep my eyes fixed on you.  But, though my faith is weak and faltering, let it be outdone by your steady and insistent faithfulness to me.  All this so that they  may say, “Truly You are the Son of God.”

Because I know how much you love the randomness…

The following is a list of events that I’ve witnessed or revelations I’ve had.  Please note that they are in no particular order, with no particular connection amongst them.  I’m telling myself that you really love getting a peek into my stream of conciousness.  That way I don’t feel so lame.

• Starbucks is getting pretty fancy these days.  Today I stood in line at the Starbucks at our version of a student union on campus.  A guy came to the counter and asked what he could get started for me.  Then he proceeded to repeat my order into the hands-free thing attached to his face and the barista got to work.  Hey Mr. Fancy Pants.  She was like three feet away and probably overheard my order.  But good for you with your technological advances.  I would probably want to play on it, too.
• In general I tend to be ok about car maintenance.  For years I drove a car that gave me little choice but to keep fresh oil in it.  So, I tend to be aware of when it’s time to change my oil.  Please don’t be misled, though.  Just because I’m aware, doesn’t mean I’m always on top of it.  Today, I realized what it is that will finally make me take the leap and pull in at the local Express Lube.  I ran out of wiper fluid.  How lame is that?!  I know where to put it in and it would take me approximately 3.8 seconds to do it.  Yet, when I went to wash the pollen off my windshield and a sad little stream was all it could muster, my first thought was, “Hmmm…when do I have time to stop to get my oil changed?”
• Back to Starbucks.  When I ordered my drink, the barista chick wrote my name without asking how to spell it.  Since my name can be spelled approximately 743 ways, I was pleasantly surprised to see she’d spelled it correctly.  Then I noticed how uncannily her handwriting looked like my own.  It was close enough that I actually came back to the office and wrote my name and spent a good minute and a half comparing the two.  What do you think??

• Speaking of Starbucks, I’ve come up with a plan.  I was inspired by Big Mama who mentioned Sharpie on her blog and was sent a free stainless steel sharpie.  Since you all know how I feel about Starbucks, and I write about them all the time.  I’m going to start linking to Starbucks every chance I get on my blog.  In hopes that they’ll take notice of this little amateur and send her a lifetime supply of Starbucks lattes.  And, if Starbucks chooses to do that.  I will begin doing giveaways of Starbucks gift cards right here from my blog.  Just to keep giving them business because I think they’re such a fine establishment.  Oh, and by the way, Starbucks, can you make your Pumpkin Spice Lattes a permanent fixture on your menu?  Thank you and have a nice day.
• I have officially begun mentally packing for a trip I’m taking next week.  I will not begin actually packing until it would be appropriate for me to begin to panic because it’salmosttimetoleaveandholycrapI’mnotpacked.  That’s just how I roll, people.  I’ve been asked to host an alumni trip to the Canary Islands.  Where is that, you say?  Here, I’ll let Wikipedia tell you.  I leave on Tuesday and will be gone until the following Wednesday.  I know you’re jealous and I just can’t help that.  I would be jealous of me, too.

And that’s all for now.  Oh, wait.  One more thing.  Starbucks.

Victimized

Dear Roommates,

That loud noise that you slept through this morning?  That was me.  Being attacked by toiletries in the shower.  I assure you that it was unprovoked.  I was minding my own business, trying to rinse the conditioner out of my hair, when the strike occurred.  I think the suction cup shower caddy is nice, in theory, but dangerous in reality.

Sincerely, C.

Dear B,

Thank you for calling back to schedule an eye appointment for me this afternoon when you originally thought it would be two weeks before you could work me in.  You are wonderful at your job and I’m just so grateful for the work that you do.  You also have a very kind demeanor about you.

Now, I feel that I need to prepare you.  It’s been a while since you’ve seen me.  This appointment is long overdue.  I’m going to try to avoid at all costs telling you how long it’s been that I’ve been wearing this particular set of contacts.  I can assure you that it’s been much longer than the recommended month-long wear.  Let’s not talk specifics, ok?  Because I remember that day that I told you that I use the Target brand contact solution.  The phrase “heart palpitations” was thrown out, if I remember correctly.  So, I’m afraid that you may never recover if we go into detail regarding my months-old contacts.

Did I mention how great you are at your job?  And you’re so pretty, too!

Sincerely, C.

Arranged

I had a dream the other night that I was getting married.  And it was an arranged marriage.  Not only was it an arranged marriage, it was also a blind date of sorts.  Apparently someone had told me when and where to show up and I would meet my groom at the altar.  Can you imagine the freaking out that was occurring in that dream??

In the end, the guy was pretty great.  If I could guarantee that I would end up with a guy like that if I let someone arrange my marriage, I might almost maybe consider letting someone think about the possibility.  Let’s get real, though.  I’m way too skiddish for that.

The next day I was telling my mom about the dream.  Before she started getting any crazy ideas in her head I explained that her potential marriage-arranging privileges had been revoked a few years ago as a result of the following conversation:

Mom: Honey, I know who you’re going to marry!

Me: Ok…and who would that be?

Mom: Well, he’s a good Christian boy…

Me: Ok, so far so good.

Mom: And he’s a musician…

Me: Ok, so who is it?

Mom: That cute boy from American Idol!

Me: Clay Aiken?!

Mom: Yes, that’s him!

Me: …

Of course my mom tries to defend herself and say that she didn’t know he was gay.  My response?  ”Exactly, Mom!”

Holy Smokes! Two in One Day!

I’ve become something of a blog addict.  “Hello, my name is Casey and I read a lot of blogs.”  It’s true.  I don’t always comment on them, which is really bad.  I’m like that creepy stalker reader that shows up in your stats and remains a mystery.  So, in a way, I’m coming out of hiding.

It started with Angie’s blog.  Oh, this precious woman and her sweet love for Jesus…and jeans.   She has such a beautiful way with words that is born out of much pain.  Please do yourself a favor and read her story.

From there I found Big Mama.  She is absolutely hilarious and her Fashion Friday posts keep me trendy.  I can only say that because the majority of you that read don’t see me on a regular basis and don’t know how un-trendy I am. 

Most recently through Angie’s blog I found Lindsay.  She is the author of Suburban Turmoil.  She also does some freelance work that she often links to through her blog.  Her most recent post hurt my heart a little and I wanted to address it  here because it’s a little too wordy for the comments section and because she’s probably not alone in her current struggle.

I’ve often heard people say that there would be way more people coming to church if it weren’t for all the Christians.  Honestly, I get that.  I see it to.  As a matter of fact, I can easily be part of the problem.  There is something in us that wants to hide our weakness, our sin, our struggle.  We have to be a good “witness for Jesus” so we have to hold our crap together.  And so we plaster on a smile, we teach Sunday school and cook meals for the shut-ins.  We tithe and we volunteer to sing in the choir.  We do our best to live a good life.

But sometimes life is messy.  We’re messy.  If we’re honest with ourselves, every last one of us is messy and some are just better at covering it up.  And look at the “heroes of the faith” listed in the Bible.  David, a man after God’s own heart, seduced another man’s wife and had her husband killed.  Abraham, who was counted righteous by God, stretched the truth about who his wife was and allowed her to live as another man’s wife for a time!  I could go on, but you should know that you could go down the list of men and women in the Bible and find the faults of every one of them…except for Jesus.

Now, if the Bible is the inspired Word of God, which I believe it is, why did He choose to include the faults of these people?  He could have made them look like a people to really be proud of.  So,  why not?  Because of us.  Because that’s not the Gospel.  As Christians we often feel the pressure to be like Christ and we should certainly strive to be.  The thing is that Christ, was in very nature God and did not consider equality with God something to be grasped. (Phil. 2:16)  We, being in very nature human, are incaple of perfection.

So, what is the point?  It’s not that we be perfect and have it all together.  As Christians, we’re supposed to be the ones that recognize how incapable we are of having it all together.  That’s what makes the Gospel true in our lives.  We are needy for Christ.  

I gave up on being a good rule-follower long ago.  I’ve found that what draws people to Christ most often is when they see a believer who is fully aware of what a mess she is, but is also fully aware that she is loved perfectly by a sweet Savior.

Lindsay, I love that you are willing to live an authentic faith that can look a little messy and rough around the edges.  The Church desperately needs that and so does the rest of the world.

Today is Broken

I’ve come to that conclusion.  I can’t come up with any other reasons for so many things to go so crazy all at once.

First of all, a package that was delivered to my office two weeks ago vanished into thin air before it ever got to me.  I’m convinced that it was somewhere to be found until today when it vanished because today is, after all, the broken day.

I’ve also been working on a project for work that is, ironically, not working out.  I’m starting  a blog for UA’s National Alumni Association.  We had someone design a fancy header for us and we’re down to two concepts.  I was trying to load them onto the blog and I can’t for the life of me figure out why I’m having so much trouble.  The header looks different on different computers, regardless of the browser.  On one computer using Firefox, it shows up fine, but not on another.  It consistently refuses to work on Internet Explorer and seems to work consistently on Safari.  You could definitely help a sister out by visiting mahoutshout.com and leaving me a comment back here saying what browser you are using and what you see at the top.

Then there’s my cell  phone.  Today on my way home from lunch my alarm on my phone went off…for no apparent reason!  I didn’t set it, it just went off.  Then a few minutes later a voicemail showed up.  It didn’t ring, just notified me there was a voicemail.  I know this is a common problem with phones with sketchy service, but it’s never happened to mine before.

So, I’ve decided not to risk it. I’m not touching my GPS or my camera  today.  I do not need more technology in my life going psycho.  And just to be safe, I’ll also have my roommates  take control of the remote tonight.  You know, just in case it’s my day that’s broken and unrelated to them at all.  It will be like a fun experiment.  If the television spotaneously implodes, we’ll know that it’s the day in general and not just my day.

And, in other news, I’m on twitter now.  Are you?  If so, let me know because I want to follow you!